Friday, April 1, 2011

Trump for President!

Things are looking up, America! Donald Trump wants to become President. There are several jobs that I would love to have that I'm only marginally qualified for. Here is my wish list of jobs and my qualifications. Let the job offers begin!


You're Hired!

The New "Charlie" on "Two and a Half Men"
Qualifications
1)I live in Los Angeles so there would be no relocation cost.
2) I have seen the show 2-3 times so I am somewhat familiar with the character.
3) With my limited acting experience (none to date) my salary would be less than $2 million per episode, therefore saving the company several thousands of dollars.

I would be replacing the douche bag on the left.

Royalty of Any Kind
Qualifications:
1) No arrests (to date) that would cause embarrassment to other members of royal family.
2) Will willingly wear ridiculous hats and will not laugh at other members of royal family wearing ridiculous hats.  (to be honest, there is only a 50% chance of that)

Princess Eugenie and her 'Hat O' Butterflies" and her inexplicably straight face

The New Oprah
Qualifications:
1) Gayle easily replaced by Goose as best friend and goofy side-kick.
2) I'm usually free between 3pm-4pm PST.
3) Stedman easily replaced by Brock as long standing boyfriend.


Move over, Gayle, Oprah, Stedman!

The New Face of Chanel
Qualifications:
1) My name is synonymous with high fashion.
2) I can stare longingly into the mirror at myself for up to 15 minutes (see below).
3) I would be willing to lose up to 3 pounds if the designers asked, as long as I had 6 weeks.

Blake Lively, the soon to be "former face of Chanel" if I have my way about it.

Plan B: The New Face of Raggedy Ann (probably a better fit)
Qualifications:
1) I already have red hair.
2) Skin color almost identical.
3) Brock and I already have the outfits, otherwise known as our "Fancy Saturday Night Clothes".


The resemblance is uncanny!


If anyone needs me, I'll be the one waiting by the phone.

1 comment:

  1. i vote the new oprah. your reasons were too compelling.

    ReplyDelete