Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Stick It

Me in about 18-24 months

Enjoy this blog while you can as I am about to become a Restaurant Mogul and as you know rich people's thoughts and stories aren't that entertaining. Inspired by the beloved Iowa State Fair, I have a cutting edge idea that I can't believe no one has thought of yet.
It has become evident to me, despite what Top Chef and the Food Network are trying to tell us, people's taste are really not that complex. Based on a week of intensive research, which basically is me on my computer eating potato chips and looking at various Midwestern State Fair websites, I have discovered what America wants. America wants food on a stick. Thus I present you my restaurant idea.

The Name: "Stick It"
This works on so many levels. First and foremost, it will be food on a stick. But the genius behind this is that for anyone who has ever spent any amount of time working in a restaurant  has wanted to use that phase when dealing with customers, vendors, co-workers, bosses, etc. Imagine the pure delight in your voice every time the phone rings and you get to say, "Good Afternoon, Stick It". Or when you are responding to complaint letter you could sign off with "Sincerely, Stick-It".

Seriously, who is the brainiac behind these ideas

Music: Styxx (duh) and Decor: Classy State Fair

The Menu
Nothing is off limits and I will be stealing most of my menu ideas from Midwestern Fairs. For example, the Iowa State Fair alone is offering 53 items served on a stick. Some of my personal favorites are the Cornbrat (corn dog made with a Bratwurst), the Octodog (a octopus shaped hot dog) and Rock Candy on a stick.

"Spooky on a stick" is more like it

Popsicles. For water service at the table, ice cubes on a stick.

The Profits
In the restaurant business your two biggest costs are Labor and Food Cost. With "Stick Its" menu, I think I can successfully avoid the pit falls that most restaurants encounter when they design their menu around high quality expensive food. People eat anything (even re-purposed food) if it is on a stick. That is how you offer profit friendly foods. Case in point, Fried Butter on a Stick at the Iowa State Fair.

Pre-fried butter, a gluten free option?
But here is where my empire really takes off, we all know that the profits are in the alcohol. I present you my beverages on stick themed nightclub, called "Suck It".  Be warned, once this takes off...... and it will, if I see you on the street I will act like I don't know you.......I will be that important.

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