Friday, July 27, 2012

Another Year Older

Last week I celebrated my birthday. I kicked off the festivities a few weeks early with a very thoughtful gift from optometrist, a pair of reading glasses or "readers" as they are known on the streets. At first I thought it was because I was getting older, but my eye doctor assured me that I was just maturing. I was still not convinced as walked to my car and I was feeling a little depressed. Was I getting old, I pondered as I sighed and slipped my hands into the pockets of my waist high Lee Jeans. As I exited the parking lot by turning on my right blinker and subsequently turned left, I was hoping the local news talk radio station would drown out my sorrows. Driving down Ventura Blvd at about 12 mph in the far left lane, I seemed to hit every red light. Well, they weren't really red nor were they yellow, but they had been green for a very long time and to be safe I just slowed down until they turned yellow. Stopping at all the lights did give me time to shake my head at the kids wearing skinny jeans with holes in them. I also found myself with time to glare at the driver next to me who had his rock music up very loud.

I was getting hungry so I stopped at the local deli. After switching tables 3 times, I was finally comfortable although my numerous request to have the air turned down seemed to go unnoticed. I took comfort as I looked around at all the patrons who were much older than me. I went ahead and ordered a cup of soup and a few lemons for my water. Service was poor, so my unhappiness was reflected in my 7% tip but for some encouragement I went ahead and left a little hand written note on the receipt. "Have a nice day" seemed to balance out my less than generous tip. After a few attempts to exit the parking lot, I was finally on my way home.

As I pulled up in the drive way, I collected my newspaper from the front lawn and decided I would get on the computer. After numerous attempts to get online, I finally made it! With the temperature outside at 98 degrees and my house set at 78 degrees and cup of hot tea, it was time to catch up with friends on Facebook. As I tried unsuccessfully to upload a photo and view a YouTube video and tag someone in a picture, I realized it was 6:30, time for the national news. After a supper of left-overs, I realized it had a been a long and mentally exhausting day and I was no closer to the answer to the question, "Am I getting old?". But the answer would have to wait for another day, it was 8pm and if I had any chance of getting up at 4:30am for no apparent reason, I better get to bed.

Did this happen to anyone else when they turned 36?

Monday, July 23, 2012

Best & Worst of the Teen Choice Awards

No one knows teen fashion like I do. So it should be no surprise that I was glued to my TV last night watching the Teen Choice Awards. Here are my choices for best and worst dressed.

Worst Dressed

Tanning Mom
(I think)
I'm surprised to see the Tanning Mom out and about, what with all the negative publicity she has been receiving.

Kevin McHale
I'm glad we can't see what he is wearing for pants because if his shirt is any indication of his taste, I would not like them.

Demi Lavato
I was all on board with this outfit until I saw the scrunchy in her hair.

Kendall & Kylie Jenner
I'm indifferent about their outfits, but in all many more of them are there????

 Best Dressed

Miranda Cosgrove
A shimmery mini dress? Yes, yes and yes.

Nina Dobrev
Her dress is nice but I love her hair.

No Doubt

Hayden Panetierre
My favorite look.

Ellen and Portia
Once I got over the shock that they were Teens, I thought their looks were really well put together. They looked great.

The Beibs
As always, she continues to dominate the red carpet with her casual elegance.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Bikini Waitresses

My new work uniform!
I love Craigslist. I read it everyday. You never know when a job opportunity may come along that changes your life. I stumbled on this little gem this morning and could not waste a moment in getting my resume out to this fine establishment.

Actual Craigslist Ad:

"If you are HOT & love to flaunt it, especially in a HOT BIKINI, we want to cast you!The World Famous Bare Elegance LAX is currently casting Bikini WAITRESSES & Bikini DANCERS (Who knew!)... NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED AT ALL - Call 310-671-3263 NOW!
If you would like to work in a chill, sexy, night club environment that is exciting, comfortable and financially rewarding, this is a chance YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS!
You will be at the club during the best shifts and could DEFINITELY be making more money than you ever have, TONIGHT!

GREAT Money, GREAT Schedule & LOTS OF FUN! You (and we) are very lucky you are alive at this moment reading this.Thank you & Good Luck.

Please call 310-671-3263 and ask for Randy or, a manager on duty (Shawn, Sal or Ivan), to schedule an appointment for an interview.

Email us FULL FRONT, FULL BACK & CLOSE UP FACE pictures of you in a bikini, and your phone number, to:"

My Cover Letter:

"Dear Randy or Shawn or Sal or Ivan,

Now that I've calmed down from all the excitement from reading your ad, I am very interested in the position as Bikini Waitress. I usually only see openings for Bikini Dancers but BIKINI WAITRESS.....that is right in my wheel house. You were right, you have no idea how happy I am that I'm alive and read your ad.

In answer to your question, "do I like to flaunt it in a hot bikini".....yes! A MILLION times yes! That is if by hot bikini you mean HOT TANKINI. Picture this if you will, a paisley print tankini with full stomach coverage...(with a name like Bare Elegance, I'm sure you agree a little mystery is much sexier). The straps are optional but I'm no JEZEBEL so they will stay on. For the bottoms I have 2 options, the boy cut short or the skort.......I know, I know I was thinking the same thing....the skort is really the only option. Which reminds me, should I wear a swimming cap? Or just the goggles?

As for work conditions.....I love a chill, sexy, comfortable environment. I can think of no better way to serve food and bus tables in a tankini! As for making more money than "I ever have, TONIGHT", I must warn you I'm currently a lunch lady. I'm not sure if you are aware of the pay scale of a lunch lady but it does reach hundreds of dollars a week. As for the "TONIGHT" part, "TONIGHT'S" not really good for me as I'm really behind on my US Weeklys and I would be useless knowing that I would be coming home to all that reading. Would "TOMORROW" night work or may "DAY AFTER TOMORROW NIGHT"?

As for faster results by submitting a picture (Front, Back and Face Close Up), that will have to wait for now. The current lighting is not conducive for very pale skin tone.

I look forward to your RESPONSE.

In comfortable sexiness,
Ginger Scone"

Now I wait......

Monday, July 16, 2012

Randy to the Rescue

Don't you just love Randy?
Brock had ACL surgery this summer and with a full recovery of 4-6 months you can imagine how exciting our summer has been. For the past month, he has been unable to drive or even get into the front the seat of the car. He can only be on his feet for about 30 minutes unless it is an activity related to Lacrosse for which his body experiences some sort of miraculous recovery which last until said Lacrosse activity is over. We do get out to go to restaurants provided there is no wait and he can sit in a both large enough to prop up his leg, no tables, or no bar stools.......and I've never needed a bar stool more.  You know when the blind experience a heightened sense of smell to make up for not being able to see? Well, Brock has experienced increase eye hand coordination particularly in the thumb. Although he can't walk, the speed which he can flip through channels and process what is on a channel is nothing short of amazing. In other words, we have been watching A LOT of TV. I mean the shows we would never watch...those that are on from 11am-3pm.

One particular afternoon, we settled on "Randy to the Rescue", it was obvious Brock had no idea what he was rescuing people from. For those that haven't seen the show, Randy comes in when you can't find your wedding dress. Randy is everything you want him to be and I imagine him to be the perfect friend. He is positive, upbeat, happy, and solution oriented. Randy doesn't care if you are 80lbs over weight, he will find your perfect dress. You don't like the bow in the front of your dress, don't worry, Randy will make one for you in same color as the cowboy boots you are going to be wearing. The friends you brought to the fitting are bullying you into a dress you don't like, don't worry, Randy will put them in their place and will ALWAYS take your side. You have shitty taste, don't worry, Randy will do your hair and make-up so awesome that no one will notice the hid dress you are wearing. That's how Randy rolls....sweet, wonderful Randy.

After watching about 3 minutes of Randy to the Rescue, Brock seemed a little anxious.......

Brock: So what else does Randy rescue people from?
Me: Nothing, his specialty is wedding dresses.
Brock: Really?
Me: Yes, really. What did you think he would rescue people from?
Brock: I just assumed based on the title, he covered a lot of ground. Like if your back deck was broken he would come out and show you how to fix it. Maybe he could replace your septic tank. Maybe he knew what to do with a rattlesnake bite.  I have to be honest, I feel a little mislead.
Me: I wish Randy would show up here.

And that is how my summer is going.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Olympics 2012

OK, I guess.
Congratulations to Ralph Lauren on his winning  2012 US Olympic uniform that the athletes will be wearing at the opening ceremonies in London. I love the vintage preppy look, the "made in China" not so much. I wouldn't be lying if I didn't say that I was a little disappointed that the sketches and ideas that I sent in for consideration to the Olympic Committee were met with mild acceptance. I do think that sending them back to me with the word "Wacko" written across them was a bit harsh. You were my ideas for what the US Olympians should be wearing at the opening ceremonies.

The Real Housewives
Nothing says USA like the Real Housewives of (fill in the blank). Inspired by the lovely ladies of the RHW the look for the female athletes would include injections (in face and boobs), short tight skirts, low cut tops, very high heals, designer handbag, catty comments and lots of hair extensions. The uniform for the men would be simple: a creepy goatee, an over embellished T, and dark denim jeans, the douche-bag attitude is optional but highly encouraged.

The Kardashians
Who better to inspire the look for the 2012 Olympians that America's sweethearts, the Kardashians!
Pulled right off the rack at the local Sears, the look for the female athlete's would be lots of leopard print, glitter, jumpers, eyeliner, unintelligent comments and lots of posing.  For the male athletes, it really doesn't matter as long as they look good and just kind of stay in the back ground and don't speak.

The Midwestern
No one likes wearing the US flag more than a Midwesterner. Just attend any July 4th picnic and see for yourself. Inspired by the hearty folks in the Midwest, specifically Iowa, imagine the Olympians showing up in sweatshirts with a big US Flag on the front. But not just any flag, it would be glittered, the stars could be buttons, the strips could be red lace and why not add a few lights. The sweats would be simple, no embellishment unless you count the draw string. No need to call attention to ourselves. Shoes would be tennis shoes, something sensible and comfortable not showy...leave that to the sweatshirt. The opening ceremonies do tend to be long and what would any Iowan Olympian need? A fanny pack to hold a cell phone, camera, snacks, and safety pins. This uniform is uni-sex and made by Old Navy..... due to the fact that 99.9% of all Old Navy flag shirts are sold in the Midwest.

Wish me luck in the 2016 Olympics!